The Wahvorka
by MetaDash
Summary: The story of how Waluigi, yes that Waluigi, became a irresistable casanova for the various ladies of the Mario world and beyond. He wanted me to tell you that, NO, he is NOT making this up. Slight spoilers for Mario Odyssey. [This fic has been discontinued but I am reposting it for archival purposes. Someone reached out to me about it.]
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 - The Beginning**

"Hey, we're back from the intermission! Turn up those volume settings, because WE have a interesting guest tonight, don't we, Lakilester?"

"Dude. We've been _over_ this."

Mallow sighed and adjusted his mic. He had mostly kept to himself after he and Mario parted ways, but eventually he became friends with the "cool" Lakitu that also knew the plumber pretty well. One thing turned into another, and the two had started a podcast.

"Sorry. Spike. Anyways, chances are you know about his best seller, or maybe, you've already read it three times! Introduce yourself, please."

"Hehehe, it's Waluigi!" Although none could see him, he grinned and made a pretty confident pose with his right arm. "Let's cut the chitchat and get to it!"

Lakilester picked up the copy that was on the table. "Wavorka. Kind of a weird name for a book dude."

"Who asked you, anyway?" the purple man scoffed. "It has that Waluigi flair! Everyone was lining up in the bookstore to get a signed copy!"

"So, Waluigi…." Mallow looked at his notes, and as he looked over each line, he KNEW people would be tuning in to hear. Once upon a time, Waluigi was one of the most unpopular and overlooked people in the world, but now? An absolute superstar. "….you say everything in this book is true."

Waluigi leaned back and put his feet up. "Well, the important stuff. Waluigi would never lie!"

"Dude…."

"Okay, _okay!"_

"People have been dying to know, Waluigi…how?"

"How what?" he asked adjusting his cap. "How Waluigi became a total ladies man? I don't share secrets!"

In the book, Waluigi had chronicled the experiences of charming a long list of women across the Mushroom Kingdom and _beyond_, all of which knew he had written the book. And they weren't mad, no no, but Waluigi had something to prove: he was **not** making it up.

"How did it all start, then?" asked Mallow. "We've got like three hours to kill."

"You're gonna need more than that!"

He and the Lakitu looked at each other.

"Because to go from the beginning, oh ho, Waluigi needs days! After all….some stuff…." He grinned again. "_-isn't_ in the book."

"Exclusive content?!" Mallow was ecstatic. "Okay then, please! Tell us your story…."

"It all started on a Monday….Waluigi's least favorite day!"

* * *

**BEEP BEEP**

Groaning, Waluigi's eyes creeped open, only to be met with the taunting red of the alarm clock light. 7:00 AM, his to-go wakeup time. He shut the alarm off, and swung his long legs.

"Waaah….."

It was raining outside, but that couldn't stop him - he couldn't be late, not for this. So he quickly put on his shoes, suspenders, cap, and ran out of his house, a rather pathetic home in the middle of the woods.

"Hmm…..time for breakfast?"

He opened his cabinets - no cereal was inside.

"Shoot! Well, that doesn't matter. That jerk owes me money!"

XXXXX

8:00 AM was the opening time for the Shell Café, a humble coffee shop ran by two other of Mario's companions - Goombario and Kooper. As the koopa put the key in the lock, he was distracted by the groaning of his blue-capped friend.

"Huh? What's wrong?"

"Waluigi's here again."

The purple eggplant stomped over the door, and tapped the ground impatiently with his foot. "Well? Open up! I have to settle a score with a jerk!"

"Waluigi, do we have to ban you from the place again?" Kooper asked, opening the door and turning on the lights. "Can't you just be nice and let bygones be bygones?"  
"It was his own fault," Goombario added. This only made Waluigi madder.

"Number one, Waluigi doesn't let bygones be bygones. Second, I NEVER forget the people that screw me over!"

"Sigh…."

So Waluigi waited by the sugar table, as the customers filed in. He kept his hawklike glare at the entrance, and finally, around 9:20 AM-

"hoho! I'll have a medium latte, no sugar, please!"

-Professor Elvin Gadd had placed his order. He took it, paid, and gave a chipper smile as he walked to the table to drink. But Waluigi sat down across from him, holding out his gloved hand.

"Eh? Ah, Waluigi! How goes your morning, sonny?"

"Can it, geezer! You owe me money!"

"Pardon?" sipped the drink as nonchalantly as he could, which only made his "enemy" angrier. "I owe you money?"

"Yeah! You told Waluigi to invest in the stock market. What a HORRIBLE idea!"

The professor wracked his brain trying to remember, as he took out his notes to work on while he enjoyed his morning routine. "Let's see, let's see…ah! We were talking about grapes."

"Waluigi's favorite fruit!"

"And then I mentioned I had to leave, but I talked about something I read in the paper. You….took my suggestion? By jove, lad, that's it all was!"

"WHAT?! You're supposed to be an egghead, right?"  
"Well I *have* submitted many scientific papers-"  
"Give me money!"

At this point, the customers were getting annoyed at Waluigi's intrusive behavior. But the professor had a solution.

"I could let you borrow one of my inventions…?"

"Fat chance!" Waluigi huffed and stood up. "Right now, you're on the list, buddy!"

"List?"

Waluigi took out a notebook and wrote **EGGHEAD PROFESSOR**. It was his enemies list, although Waluigi had a habit of putting everyone from Luigi to the elderly woman that crossed the street to Luigi again on it.

XXXXX

Now he needed some money for real, but how? He headed over to ToadMart, and browsed the shelves.

"Waluigi….." the manager was behind him. "Remember the ban?"

"Feh! I'm strapped for cash, okay? I'm just thinking."

"By putting raw eggplants in your pockets?"

He growled and went to put it back. He would've left, and maybe things would've went differently, had he not seen his most INFURIRATING sight.

"Hey Weeg! How does spaghetti sound for dinner?"

Daisy and Luigi, the couple that always made him so so mad. He hated Luigi, goody two shoes that he was, and he tried to win Daisy's love, but she had rejected him - over 900 times. And true to form, she let out a very annoyed groan when he came over.

"What do you_ want_, Waluigi?"

"I'm just looking," he lied, glaring at Luigi - who was just tired of this song and dance.

"Waluigi…."  
"No, Luigi, let me." Daisy put her hands on his hips and stepped in front of him. "Look, we can party and kart race together just fine, yet you never let this go?"

"Because I hate losing!"

"Waluigi, I made it VERY clear when we first met - I am not interested in you! How many times do you want me to say it?"

"But why?" he demanded. "Tell Waluigi that much."

Daisy's eye twitched. "I've told you this 100 times! You're rude, greedy, selfish, insensitive-what girl would EVER be interested in you?!"

"Hmph! I'll show you!" he vowed, storming out of the store.

"Daisy…..wasn't that a little harsh?"

"Look Luigi…." She pushed the cart. "He has to get it drilled into his thick skull. Wouldn't it be better for all of us if he moved on? We didn't even tell him."

They didn't tell any of their friends yet, but they had taken the plunge….and got engaged.

* * *

Waluigi seethed as he sat outside, in the pouring rain, and tried to figure his problems out. How could he show both of them he wasn't a giant loser? Come to think of it, what about the world? Everyone was walking right past, not bothering to offer their umbrella.

"Feh….stupid rain!"

"Oh!"

Someone had let go of their own umbrella, but Waluigi grabbed it before it pingponged into the busy road. He wiped some water from face away and held it out.

"Thank you….oh, you're soaked! Don't you have something to cover yourself?"

Waluigi pulled out the empty lining of his pockets. At that, she felt guilty, so she placed a small pile of coins in his hand. He was stunned.

"No need to thank me. Just….please, keep dry!"

He stared at the woman as she walked away…..and had a brilliant idea.

* * *

_"So I bought some cereal! Who needs dryness when it doesn't feed you?"_

_Mallow and Lakilester looked confused. "What…..about becoming a charmer?"_

_"Huh? You said, you start from the beginning!"_

_"How about you jump to the first girl?"_

_"Oh." Waluigi looked disappointed. He wanted to talk about his breakfast! But he leaned back again and rubbed his cap. "Okay, okay…..let's jump ahead to Waluigi's vacation!"_

* * *

He emerged from the super-secret warp pipe, with sunglasses and bags in hand. Finally, a break from all of the jerkiness of the Mushroom Kingdom. He hailed a taxi.

"Yo! Where to?"

"Uhhh…." Waluigi couldn't remember the address, so he told the cabbies: "Just….to the plaza, I guess?"

Dribble and Spitz shrugged, and the former put the level in drive - towards the heart of chaos in the Metro Kingdom - Diamond City.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 - The Paychecks**

"We're here!" Dribble leaned back, and put the shift into park. "Heart of the city, like you wanted!"

"Zzzzz….huh?! Oh, uh…that was fast. Must've been like an hour!" Waluigi rubbed his tired eyes.

"It's only been 5 minutes," said Spitz. "Now, about that fare…" Both cabbies turned and stared at the trickster. They _knew _who he was.

"Fare? What's so fair about paying for a ride?"

Dribble facepalmed. "Look, you know Wario, right?"

"Lard-o? What about him?" Waluigi put down his sunglasses. "Waluigi came here to relax!"

"Look, up there-" Spitz thumbed towards the windshield. "-is Wario Ware Inc. We're ALL due for some paychecks, but the bossman hasn't given them to us. You get them, and we're square!"

"So I'm an errand boy now?" Waluigi demanded. "No sale!"

"Listen, if you get our paychecks…." Dribble tapped the window. "…you'll get a cut. Heck, we might take you out for some frosty milkshakes!"

* * *

_"So there I was, marching through the building…"_

* * *

"HEY! Who's in this dump?!"

Waluigi walked through the empty lobby, wondering who was gonna point him to the direction of Wario. He grunted with annoyance when he saw that the elevator was out.

"Wah?! Then Fatso must be stuck up here! There's no way he would use some stairs…."

He grumbled up the stairs, muttering something about stupid elevators and stupid signs, and he reached the top floor.  
By reach he kicked the door open and stomped over to Wario's office.

XXXXX

"Not here! Where the heck are you, you little…"

"HEY!"

In front of Waluigi's eyes, sneaking through Wario's empty office, was a green-haired woman with an all-purple attire for clothing (top, skirt, boots) and piercing blue eyes. "W-Who are you?!"

"I'm Waluigi. Who are _you_?" He looked around, not really caring that someone was rummaging through his brother's junk. "If you're the cleaning lady, you're lousy!"

"How DARE you!" The woman pointed at him. "I'll have you I was the hottest performance in Diamond City for 38 weeks straight!"

Waluigi didn't look impressed. "Don't you have an office to clean?"

"I AM NOT THE CLEANING LADY, YOU-!" She exhaled and relaxed. "Listen here. I'm looking for someone named Mona, she works for Wario?"

"Mona, Mona…." Waluigi rattled his brain. "Doesn't ring a bell! But there's no way Fatso knows you, lady."

"I am _Vanessa_," the woman said haughtily, "and I was told I could find her, at this company."

"Well I can't find Lardo either." Waluigi tapped his foot. "And I need to find those paychecks! I can rub them in that stupid green loser's face!"

* * *

_"You forgot the cabbies?" Lakilester made a face. "Harsh, dude."_

_"Hey! Don't interrupt the best part…"_

* * *

So they were outside, and Vanessa stared up at the giant W at the top. "I don't understand. No one is in today! Isn't this a game company?"

"Bah! Lardo couldn't make a game company if his garlic depended on it!" Waluigi was about ready to leave, when he saw Vanessa typing on her phone. "Eh? What's that gizmo?"

"Get with the times, _grandpa,_ this is the hottest app in the Metro Kingdom!" Vanessa scoffed. "Nothing on her profile tells me anything!"

"This Mona owes you money?" Waluigi thought of and growled. "Let's find her together! I hate it when jerks get their way!"

"Sorry, but I don't associate with nobodies like you! Maybe if you had a profile worth checking out…"  
Vanessa waved her phone in his face before heading down the street.

"Hey! Get back here!"

Dribble and Spitz drove up to the eggplant master. "Any luck?"

"Wah?! Oh, it's you two….hey, tell Waluigi something. What is she doing with her phone? Calling the pizza place?"

"Pizza place!" Spitz tapped his buddy's shoulder. "Maybe Mona can help us."

"She workin' today?"

Waluigi gasped. "That lady wanted to find her! Let's go! The Anti-Jerk Patrol is ready to clobber some heads today!"

"What?" Dribble gave him an odd look. "Mona's a nice girl."  
"Yeah, don't try anything funny!"

"Bah! Just let Waluigi drive!"

"You don't have a license."

"…..what's that?"

* * *

_"So we went to the pizza place to find Mona," Waluigi said. "And what do you know, Vanessa showed up just as we were heading in!"_

* * *

Vanessa had to do a double take. "You again?"

"Bwahahaha! Waluigi always knows where to go!" He pushed past her and entered Mona Pizza, sliding up to the counter with a determined spark in his eyes. "You! Dog breath!"

Joe the proprietor pointed to himself. "Me?"

"Where's Mona? She owes that woman some money!"

"What?!" Vanessa pushed him away. "No she doesn't! Ignore this man, do you know where she is?"

"Don't push Waluigi!"

"Ah sorry, Mona took her vacation last week! I do have her phone number….but I can't just give that out to strangers!"

Vanessa looked to Waluigi. "What if he buys something?"

"WHAT?!"

"That I can do!" The oblivious Joe said cheerfully. "What will it be, sir?"

"Hmmm…Waluigi could use some fried eggplant!" He said equally cheerfully. Then, harshly: "Don't skimp on the mayo!"

"This is a pizza place! Just order some pizza!"

"I don't _want_ pizza!"

As the two argued, Dribble looked to Spitz. "Should we go ask the doc instead?"  
"After some lunch! I'm thinking Chai fusion…"

XXXXX

Waluigi still had no money, of course, so Vanessa had to foot the bill for a large pepperoni + eggplant + mayo pizza…that Waluigi promptly threw in the dumpster.

"Why did you do that?!"

"Blech! Eggplant is horrible with pizza!" he looked to the curb. "WAH! Those cabbies left Waluigi's stuff by the road! Jerks!"

Vanessa pinched her nose. "We got the number, you moron! We can track down Mona, which means I can track down Mona, and you can find Wario!"

"Ohhh…well dial it then!"

She did, only to get a voice mail:  
_"Hello, this is Mona. I'm busy right now, can you leave me a message? Thanks!"_

"ARGH!" was the screechy message she left. "Listen you, you better pick up this phone right NOW, or this friendship is over!"

"Eh? I thought Mona was a jerk! You're friends?"

"Hmph. We were rivals, you see, and I hated that her band swooped and took my fame! But then, she offered to perform together, and…..I wanted that fame again! But last I heard, she's not doing that anymore…"

"Hmmm…..Waluigi needs one of those gadgets. Can I watch some TV on it? Or send funny jokes?"

Vanessa looked disgusted. "What _century _are you from? Everyone has a intelliphone!"

"So do I! But a phone isn't that toy, it's…..this thing you spin a wheel on…"

* * *

"How _old _are you?!"

_Mallow waited for the answer._

_"I'm still young, you jerk!"_

* * *

So then they ended up in the electronics store, where Vanessa dragged him along to buy him something to bring him in this current century. The sales lady looked pleased as he looked it over.

"Sir, this intelliphone holds up to 2000 apps, including Yoyotube!"

"Yeah yeah, but I can kill bugs with it?"

"Uh….yes?"

Vanessa rolled her eyes. "He'll take it!"

She paid yet again, and Waluigi was already prodding around with the gizmo when they walked outside. However, this time, curiosity came to her mind.

"Where's the laser beam function? Stupid thing…"

"Waluigi! Why did you come to this city? I'm curious."

"Eh? Waluigi needed a vacation from it all. Egghead owed me money, stupid Luigi made me mad….but I've been here two hours and already it's like work! What gives?" He tried to find the shrink ray feature.

"But you still want to find your brother, yes?"

"If it gets me money! But this time…" Waluigi shook his fist. "Those cabbies get nothing! I'll take the money for myself!"

Vanessa smirked. "I like the way you think. And since I've been floating you this far…you can be my assistant!"

"Fat chance! Waluigi is a solo man!"

"I'll teach you how to use that thing….and maybe, let you set up a profile!"

Waluigi grunted. "What's in it for you?"

"M-Me?"

"Yeah! How does helping Waluigi help you? You said I was a nobody! Which puts you on the list if you keep it up!"

"Ugh, keep your voice down…." Vanessa got closer. "You owe me. And if you don't help me, why…I can just report you to the police. Ditching cab fare? Making enemy lists? Breaking and entering?"

"WAH?! The door was open! And you were there too!"

"Fufufufufu…but I have connections."

Waluigi was trapped.

* * *

_"Vanessa, yeah, she shows up in the first few chapters," Mallow recalled. "She seems like a tough person to get along with."_

_"Eh, she had drive! She had spirit! And she had her own enemies, which impressed Waluigi. But I didn't want to be her errand boy! I was on vacation!"_

_"Do you even have a job?" the Lakitu host asked._

_"I wrote the book! That took me weeks!"_

_"Okay, so what happened next?"_

* * *

Vanessa had her own office building, filled with assistants, publicists, sound operators, coffee get-ers, and more. They all swarmed back and forth, asking her approval and whatnot on various things, and she complied while keeping her attention on Waluigi.

"My popularity has been on the decline since the duo art fell apart…people just want the next biggest thing! But I ALWAYS control the story before the story controls me!"

"Miss Vanessa, who's this?" asked an intern.

"Some hired help! Put his stuff in the janitor's closet," she gestured to his suitcases.  
"Hey!"

She held him to her own office, and she held up a hand to stop the swarm of Vanessa-related workers from coming inside. "You! Check the stocks! And YOU! Make sure my deal with Chuckola Cola goes through!"

"Ugh, so noisy…" Waluigi crossed his arms and waited for her to shut her door. "So what do I have to do?"

She snatched his new phone. "I'll take this, and you can deliver something to a client."

"Hehehehe….a rotten egg prank?"

"No, you philistine, a sample of my brand's perfume!" Vanessa pointed to a box on her desk. "_Just Vanessa_, by Vanessa."

"That's all?"

"I'll be giving you more tasks until your debt is settled!"

"BAH!" Waluigi snatched the box. "When I come back, that thing better be able to change the TV channel from the bathroom!" He looked at the address. "Wait, how am I gonna get there?"

XXXXX

**PUTAPUTAPUTAPUTAPUTAPUTA**

Waluigi was forced to use a scooter adorned with Vanessa's face, pink and frilly as it was. The helmet matching didn't help either.

"Stupid Vanessa, and stupid perfume!"

He zoomed past the schoolchildren playing in the park and took a detour down a bridge. A few more turns, and he eventually arrived at a small house at the end of the block.

"Bah!"

Waluigi stopped the scooter and headed over to the door, parcel in hand. He knocked rather loudly, and the person that opened the door was-

"Hello?"

"Here!" Waluigi shoved the box into the woman's hands. "Take your perfume. Waluigi has places to go and crazy women to avoid!"

"You seem upset. Would you like to come in for some cookies? Fresh out of the oven."

"Cookies?" Waluigi took off the helmet. "You're alright, lady. Who are you?"

"Oh, just a simple mother. I really would like to thank you for coming this far just to deliver this….and people in the city_ love_ my cookies."

"Well…..I am pretty hungry."

5-Volt smiled and led him inside. "You know….my son would die if I were to get your autograph."

"Finally someone recognizes Waluigi's fame!" He grinned and rubbed his sneaky hands together. "Who is the little tyke?"

* * *

_"Wait…..dude, she's in the book too!"_

_Waluigi rolled his eyes. "Hey, we're still live, so don't go spoiling the WHOLE thing! How much time is left?"_

_"Um, we've been recording for three hours now, we have to cut to tomorrow."_

_"TOMORROW?! But the story's just getting started! Like there's this whole part where I win a dance competition!"_

_"You're spoiling your own story…..we'll see you tomorrow, listeners!" Mallow said. "And stay tuned for more Waluigi, recounting the tales of his bestseller!"_

_"I still hate that scooter, Vanessa!" Waluigi yelled into his mic._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 - The Fan**

"Mmmmm! These ARE good cookies!"

5-Volt smiled at how much Waluigi appeared to like them, even if the trickster wasn't one for the sweets. "Thank you! Now, you'd stay just a bit longer so my son can meet you, right?"

"Eh?" Waluigi looked to his arm, but then realized he didn't have a watch. Telling time was for squares! "Well, if it keeps me from doing stupid work, then ok!"

"You work for Vanessa?"

"You know her? She's pretty annoying." Waluigi grabbed another cookie and shoved it in his mouth, chewing carelessly that the crumbs fell from his mouth to the carpet. "Where does she get off, ordering ME around?"

**WHHHHHHHHRRRRR**

"Wah?"  
"Oh, please ignore me," said 5-Volt. She had gotten the vacuum out in a ridiculously fast speed, but then again, that was normal of mothers. "You're Wario's brother, right? Did you come to Diamond City to visit him?"

"BAH!" Waluigi wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "I came here for a vacation!"

"Mom! We're home!"

"Oh there he is! Please, greet him!"

Waluigi slicked his hair back and marched over to see his adoring fan, but he looked really weirded out when a six foot person was there.

"Uhhhh….."

"WHOA!" Little 9-Volt was next to him, of course. "Y-You're Waluigi! In the flesh and blood! I'm 9-Volt, I'm a HUGE fan!"

"Oh, this your dad?"

"Nah, that's 18-Volt, my best friend! We go to the same school and….OH MY GOSH!"

"Are…..are the numbers ages or something?"

While 5-Volt looked on with a smile, Waluigi was sitting close to 18-Volt, who stared back in his usual open mouth kind of smile. Waluigi scooted away one inch.

"FOUND IT!" 9-Volt ran back into the room and threw his autograph book at his adored mascot. "Please, you gotta sign my book, dude! Pretty please?"

"Hehehehe…." Waluigi opened the book, but he saw red at the plethora of other names: Mario, Peach, Yoshi, Bowser, Wario, and- "LUIGI?! Aww! You got that loser to sign this too?!"

"Sure I did, he's THE Luigi! And you're THE Waluigi!"

"I'm ten times more famous than that chump!" was the retort. In anger, Waluigi wrote his name ten times as big as Luigi's. He would've ripped it out but 5-Volt was giving him a look.

"But Waluigi…"

"What?!"

9-Volt sighed, as did his large companion. "You don't have any games. Luigi has a ton, so does Wario, and of course, Mario!"

"Because the only game that should star Waluigi is one made by Waluigi himself! ….wait a minute….kid, you know where Wario is?"

"Nah. The gang has kinda given up on getting our paychecks."

"Sweetie, you're underage, you can't work for money," said 5-Volt cheerfully. "You want to find him, Waluigi?"

"No…..no, Waluigi has a BETTER idea! Hehehehehe…." He rubbed his hands together. "I got to go! Thanks for the cookies, lady!"

"But w-wait! Can't we hang out?"

Waluigi stopped and looked at the small tyke. 9-Volt was practically begging, and it would've been really sweet, but 18-Volt still creeped him out.  
"Uhhh….I'll call you on the Waluigi phone!"

"Mom! Can Waluigi get our number!"

5-Volt smiled. "Why….certainly. Lemme just write it down….oh, and a tip for the delivery."

XXXXXX

Waluigi and his scooter were en route back to Vanessa's.

"Let's see, what's this darn number….555-193-9191." Then he noticed the pink frilly handwriting, and a message that said: Don't be afraid to give me a ring, okay, Waluigi~? "Oh sweet! I can order more cookies!"

* * *

_"AWWW!" Both Mallow and Lakilester facepalmed. "Dude! Can you not read signals?"_

_"Hey, lay off, I had a BIG scheme in the works!"_

_"I'm surprised that 18-Volt guy wasn't his dad after all."_

_"I know right?" Waluigi tossed a cookie in his mouth. "So, after that…"_

* * *

"NOTHING?! What do you mean, NOTHING?!" Vanessa shrieked. "You're all useless!" Her staff had been trying to find traces of Mona through Wario….by using Waluigi to contact him. "He hasn't answered?!"

"All those calls to voicemail, Miss Vanessa…."

"Hmph! I should replace you all!"

Then Waluigi burst through the double doors, looking really sneaky and eager. "Job's done!"

"You, you're back already?" Vanessa looked at the clock. "Fine, now you can do-"

"Uh uh, toots, Waluigi isn't your mule!" He snapped. "But my idea will solve both of our problems….I'll make money, and YOU'LL make money!"

Vanessa rolled her eyes. "What is it?"

"You….buy out Fatso's company! Then, we start production ASAP on a Waluigi game! It'll sell like eggplant cakes! Huh? Huh?!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Vanessa and even her cronies laughed. "What a riot! You want ME to put my fortune into video games?! What's next, rotary phones?"

"Hey! It can help you find Mona!"

"What good is doing it, if I need to find your brother first to do it?!"  
"Actually ma'am, according to this, Wario Ware Inc. technically owes a LOT of coins in unpaid taxes," said a staffer. "Maybe that's why Wario has disappeared?"

Vanessa blinked, obviously not expecting that.

"See? You want to be MORE famous, right? I'm thinking we get some cookies to celebrate….where's that phone doodad?" Waluigi snatched it from the nearby table and took out the slip of paper with 5-Volt's number.

"What? GIVE ME THAT!" Vanessa was livid. "What woman gave you a phone number?! I wasn't done setting up your accounts!"

"A pretty smart one, if you ask Waluigi!"

Vanessa stewed with jealousy. This guy was supposed to be a chump, a no-name loser, a freak! What would it matter if he rose up without her help?

"FINE! We'll buy the company AND get you cookies! Let's go, the bank closes early today!"

"They better not be pizza flavored…"

* * *

_"Sounds like she was a little….jealous the Wah got attention?" Lakilester grinned. "Man, some women get really jealous, don't they? My girlfriend-"_

_Waluigi cut him off. "She totally was. So technically, that makes three! Her, 5-Volt, and the lady that gave me cereal money!"_

_"Yeah, when does she come in?" Mallow skimmed the book. "Was she someone Wario knew?"_

_"We're not talking about Lardo, okay? It's his fault my plan worked so perfectly!"_

_"Where was he, anyway?"_

* * *

"Annnd…that's a double bogey."

Wario nearly snapped his golf club in half. Here he was trying to win the prize money in this big tournament, and he was going to lose at this rate! "You're supposed to be my partner, Mona!"

"Hey! You invited ME, Wario, remember? You can't lose your cool so soon. There's still six holes left! We can save the company."

"Just my rotten luck! That goody two shoes Mario and then Bowser both decline, and Waluigi's not even here! I should be WINNING! Not losing to…" he checked the leaderboards "FLY GUY AND WIGGLER?!"

* * *

The manager at Diamond City Bank was a middle aged fellow that had seen many, many ridiculous customers and ideas in his heyday, but when Vanessa the pop star came in asking about Wario Ware Inc., it didn't even crack the top ten.

"Great. Finally someone responsible can take it."

"H-Huh? Doesn't he need to be here?"

"Nnnnnno." Manager pulled out all the penitent paperwork, including a picture of Wario with a red X across the face. "This isn't the first time Wario has ignored the bill. He comes in last week saying he'd get me the money from a golf tournament, well, as of….seven minutes ago, it's been thirty days. It's all yours, Miss Vanessa."

"Hehehehehe…."

"Uh, put Waluigi's name down too!"

"You don't have a penny to your name, you toad!"

"You know, she was breaking and entering…." Waluigi slammed his hand on the manager's desk. "BEFORE it went up for sale!"

"Please don't do shake my bobbleheads, sir."

"Ignore him." Vanessa handed back everything nearly signed. "So! Can I get the keys to my new business?"

The two returned back to the office, and both seemed pleased by the purchase….for different reasons. "Mark! Fred! I want you to contact Pyrostation immediately!"

"Yes ma'am!" said the interns.

"Huh? For what? We're making games now!"

Vanessa gave him an evil smirk. "_We're_ not doing anything._ I'm_ simply going to sell Wario Ware to the competitors. I'm sure they can use some office supplies and place to put their garbage. Hohohoho…."

That made Waluigi run over and kick the phone from the interns' hand. "No way! You're gonna make ME in charge of development, and the Waluigi game starts production immediately!"

"HA! You have no power, Waluigi, have you forgotten? You still owe me money, and the purchase was made from MY dime! My…." Vanessa's eyes widened. "My….wait…."

"Wah?"

_Of course, it's so obvious! Wario will come back here, demanding his company back, and I can get him to hand over Mona's talent! Why, if I play this right, I can maximize my success!_

Vanessa's eyes twinkled. "Waluigi….maybe I was a little hasty. If you can find a team of developers….why….we can start immediately."

"Hehehehehe….I'll need an assistant!"

_He'll do anything once he sees his brother in his own office…_

But she growled when she saw him put the phone number in his back pocket. She definitely had to figure out who was behind that!

So Waluigi went back to Wario Ware, and he practically threw everything in the trash. His office needed to be all him, all Waluigi!

"Paychecks? Waluigi is thinking too small! Why settle for those when I can get INFINITE paychecks?" He plopped down and took out his cookies. He grimaced when he tasted one. "Yuck! They're not like 5-Volt's…maybe I should call her."

But even now, he couldn't figure out the menus and navigation. He just wanted to make a call, why was it so hard?

"Stupid phone!" He threw it at the wall…..which revealed a secret passageway…..with a warp pipe.

* * *

_"Lemme guess, that's how Wario goes from country to country?_

_"Will you let me tell the story, cloud boy?!"_

* * *

Waluigi had emerged back in Toad Town, the capital of the Mushroom Kingdom. He wasted no time heading towards the castle, because he had the PERFECT choice in mind for his new assistant!

He ran through the garden, until a rather loud voice rang in his ears.

"MASTER WALUIGI! What are you doing?!" It was Toadsworth, Peach's steward.

"I'm just running, you old coot!"

"Through the princess's garden?! Unacceptable! Come this way!"

"Aw come on!"

XXXXX

"You're in timeout, young man!" declared the elderly Toad before he opened a door and motioned for Waluigi to go inside. The room was well lit, had several comfy chairs, and a widescreen TV.

"Geez, I didn't think you were senile so soon…."

"No! You will watch the full collection of _Garden Care_, a ten-hour documentary!"

"Are you nuts?! Waluigi is busy!"

Just then, Toadette came down the hall with a tea tray in her hands. She presented it to Toadsworth, but when the old man took a sip, he spat it out.

"Good heavens, Toadette, are you trying to burn the Princess's tongue? Do over!"

"But Toadsworth, this is the fourth pot!"

Waluigi hit the jackpot, just who he needed! "Why don't I help her make it right, as the real punishment?"

"Mmm…..very well! Please do your best, Princess Peach isn't well today. If you'll excuse me, I need to announce the winners of the tournament!"

"…tournament?"

"Thanks for helping me, Waluigi! C'mon, the kitchen is this way!"

Obviously Waluigi pulled her in the opposite direction.

XXXXX

"What?! Why do you want _me_ as your assistant?"

"Because!" Waluigi jabbed his finger at the pink-capped Toad. "You're always helping people, and helping me would be WAAAAY more fun than helping that geezer!"

"But I'm training to be Toadsworth's replacement one day. That means I have to do everything perfectly for Princess Peach! He'd go ballistic if I did…..whatever with you."

"I'm making a video game! But I need someone smart. I can't even figure out this stupid whatchamacallit to call people!"

"An intelliphone? Oh, that's easy. May I?"  
"Hmph! If you can figure it out…"

But Toadette did. She changed the background to personalize it to Waluigi's face, and set up contacts through speed dial (people both of them knew). "You want to call someone in particular?"

"You hold onto that! I'm putting you in charge! A busy guy like me shouldn't bother with dinky toys like this, anyway!"

Toadette opened the Filsameet app. "Hey….I didn't know you had a profile for this!"

"For what? Eggplant Monthly?"

She giggled. "No, silly, it's a social media app! For contacting people, staying in touch? Look, Mario has an account, Luigi has one…"

"Don't mention that loser! We have work to do, assistant!"

"I really need to ask the Princess first….."

"Well use the phone, then!"

XXXXX

**Bzzzzzzzzz**

"H-Huh?" Poor Peach had been sick in bed all day, so she wasn't expecting someone to contact her. Could it be….Mario?

Princess, I hope you're feeling better.  
Going to get….your favorite dessert from Metro Kingdom!  
And Waluigi needs my help for something…

She was disappointed, but a little something from her recent vacation could help cheer her up.

* * *

_"That reminds me, I don't think you ever said what Mario was up to."_

_"Do I look like the guy's best friend?!" Waluigi rolled his eyes. "We'll get to him, if I have time. So there Waluigi was, with a new goal….a new assistant….things were great! But then, I needed the best team of developers!"_

_"None of the previous employees?"_

_"They're too loyal to Wario!"_

_"I don't think they are, considering they were trying to get paychecks from him," Mallow said. "But Toadette definitely isn't…?"  
"Heck no! Waluigi has standards, and Waluigi knows….never to mix the money with the ladies. She's a good #2 too! In fact…." _

_Now that he was skilled at using the intelliphone, Waluigi checked his email and grinned._

_"…..she got the perfect actor to play me in Waluigi the Game: the Movie!"_

_"Wow. So that means things went so smoothly?"_

_"Bah, I really got to stop getting ahead of myself…."_

* * *

When Vanessa stepped into Wario's office, she couldn't believe her eyes.

The first point - a Toad was cleaning and organizing the room to be more professional, more formal, more….Waluigi. And because she was just that nice, she had a smile on her face doing it.

The second point - Waluigi had his feet on the desk, jabbering away on the phone.

"See why DON'T people like oatmeal? It's always chocolate this, sugar that! This is what happens when kids run the show, 5-Volt."

"EXCUSE ME?!"

"Hello!" Toadette put the duster down. "I'll need you to sign in the vistor's guest list, miss. Waluigi is taking a very important call."

"Do….do you KNOW who I am?!"

"Well, I will once you sign the book, ma'am."

Vanessa growled. Her piercing blue eyes locked onto Waluigi.

"Huh? Coffee later? I'm a busy guy, but you know what, maybe we can hammer that new Waluigi cookie recipe before someone takes the idea!"

"HANG THAT UP RIGHT NOW."

Waluigi covered the phone. "Sssh! I'm doing business! Can't make an awesome game without marketing." Back he went to the call. "Yeah, that's just Vanessa…."

"Give me that!" Vanessa had had enough. "Listen to me, 5-Volt, Waluigi is MY worker, and I won't have you taking his time with ridiculous cookie stories! You-"

In the next minute, 5-Volt had responded in such a calm, sweet, but very very very mom-like firmness that _Vanessa_ ended up apologizing, much to the latter's embarrassment.

"Yes….yes….n-no, my mother didn't teach me to talk like that…."

_"It's alright. He's such a charming man, isn't he? I can see why you'd want to spend more time with him."_

"Are you serious?"

_"Are you talking back to me, young lady?"_

"N-No Ms. Volt, I'm so sorry…."

Waluigi and Toadette watched the whole thing unfold. "She better not be telling her my recipe."

"HEY!" Now Wario had emerged from the pipe, very very grumpy that he had to hand the prize money over to Fly Guy and Wiggler, and now, he was getting _grumpier t_hat Waluigi was in his office!

"What is this, beanpole?!" Mona landed right next to him, getting Vanessa's attention….although she feared 5-Volt's wrath should she hang up too early.

"This….is Waluigi Corp. And I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, Lardo! You're not gonna be in my game!"

* * *

_"Aren't you adding Wario DLC to it?"_

_"Meh. Money is money."_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 - The Devs**

"WHAAAAAAT?! What do you mean, Waluigi Corp?!"

"Ah hahahaa…." Vanessa finally finished her little talk with 5-Volt, putting her back on the offensive edge. "I own your company now, Wario, and your brother has some interesting ideas…."

"But I still had time to…" Wario checked his watch. Much to his shock, the hands were stuck. "-You're double-crossing me, beanpole?!"

"Hey! Waluigi only crosses people, no double cross! It's time for MY turn in the spotlight!" he replied, readying a fist. "My game is gonna fly off the shelves!"

"YOU?! A game?!"

Mona was visibly confused. "So does this mean you're giving out those paychecks to the other employees?!"

"Heck no!"

"Mona, Mona…." Vanessa placed an arm around her former music rival. "Why don't we leave the men to chat about whatever, I have a proposition for you…." They left, but Wario was still steaming with anger.

"I won't forget this, string bean!" He glared at Toadette. "And you're helping him?!"

"Uhhh…..well, he asked…."

"Shoo, Wario! Waluigi's got some big plans!"

* * *

_Mallow adjusted his microphone. "So you wanted to make a game, that's pretty ambitious. What did you want it to be?"_

_"Bah! Something cool!"_

_"But what genre?"_

_"Not a lame one!"_

_"Uh, new question," said Lakilester, "if you didn't want to use Diamond City employees, what was your first choice for talent?"_

_"Glad you asked…."_

* * *

At Waluigi's request, Toadette put out flyers for potential employees for the game's development, across Toad Town. When she was done, she returned to HQ, aka, Waluigi's shack of a home.

"Finished! Waluigi, I was thinking-"

But he wasn't listening, just spending an absurd amount time trying to draw the logo for this nonexistent game…..even though it was his classic backwards L.

"-Waluigi! Can't you listen for a second?"

"Eh? Fine, fine, make it quick!"

Toadette frowned. "If I'm really going to help you, then there needs to be more than just your personal gain, right? What's your motivation?"

Waluigi's pencil snapped in half. "Tch…."

"You can tell me! I always keep secrets!"

But Waluigi shoved the papers off his desk (read: cardboard box), stood up, and looked out the window, towards Peach's castle. His mind thought of Daisy, than of Luigi…..and it only made him angry. He was tired of being disregarded. Tired of being a joke to everyone! "Toadette….you've been ignored too, haven't you?"

"Huh? I wouldn't say that, Toadsworth is training me! One day, I'll be the one watching over the princess!"

"That's just it!" he argued, spinning around. "You're too nice, Toadette, people treat you like a pushover! You never say no! Everyone takes you for granted!"

"….."

"NOT ME!" Waluigi shouted. "Look, if you help me-"

"You're right."

"…..I am?"

Toadette nodded sadly. "Maybe I AM too nice, but I'm just doing my best. But I also don't think people respect you, Waluigi. This really could be your big break!"

"That's what I'm saying! Now c'mon! Soon, something magical is gonna walk through that door!" Toadette was walking towards it. "Hey!"

"I just need to give Princess Peach her dessert, remember?"

* * *

"Are you serious?! Went off with Waluigi?!"

The guard Toad nodded. "Yes sir. But the Princess said she was going to get a desert from the Metro Kingdom for her."

Toadsworth was freaking out. "B-But I need her help! Our special guest is supposed to have an audience with Princess Peach; Toadette ALWAYS makes sure things are in top shape!"

"Why not get Mario or Luigi to find her?"

"THERE'S NO TIME!"

The elderly Toad ran up the stairs as fast as he could to Peach's bedroom, but unfortunately, she was still quite ill. "Toadsworth…."

"P-P-Princess! I'm sorry Toadette is taking so long! Do you think you're able to get out of bed?"

"MMmm….no. I'm dreadfully sorry. We'll have to reschedule this meeting." She coughed. "Please, don't be so hard on Toadette…" Soon, she fell back asleep.

"GASP!"

XXXXXX

"I'M SO SORRY!" Now back downstairs, Toadsworth bowed in shame in front of the visitor, who looked as regal as Peach usually was. "The Princess is i-ill…."

"Oh that's quite alright. I've been enjoying your land so much that I don't mind spending more time here! It's just…"

"Yes?!" the Toad asked, hoping to regain some decorum.

"Well a few days ago, I was taken aback by a sight. It was raining, and this poor man in purple was standing alone, ignored by everyone….I don't understand. Why does your kingdom have such indifferent people?" the visitor didn't seem angry, but rather quite confused.

"I-I-I….are you sure you weren't imagining things, Your Highness?! Why, the people in the Mushroom Kingdom are forward thinkers!"

"No….I gave him some coins. I do hope he's alright."

_Purple?! Think, think! Who dresses in pu…._. Toadworth's brain clicked.

* * *

Now bored, Waluigi decided to fiddle around with the Intelliphone. So many people had accounts on Filsameet….to his surprise, so did Bowser.

**Looking for a cute blonde-haired princess, good with kids…blue eyes….MUST NOT HANG OUT WITH ANYONE DRESSED IN RED WITH A MUSTACHE.**

"Man this is so boring! People waste time on this?"

Then he stumbled upon Daisy's profile. Of course every picture had to be her with Luigi, both looking so happy and cheery.

"Blargh! Wait, what did Vanessa write for me? Let's see….."

The picture she and her team had picked had been professionally touched up, and hardly looked like Waluigi. There weren't even any hand gestures! And naturally, she used it to plug all of her own business.  
"WAAAAAH?! This ain't Waluigi! Lemme try….." he somehow managed to take a new picture, albeit the flash had stunned him. "There! Post! If Waluigi is gonna be on this, he needs to look accurate to the source!"

XXXXXXX

Waluigi finally finished his logo, but when he looked over at the phone…

"Eh? What's this?" There was a message for him. "Stupid screen is too small…." Whoever it was, they wanted to meet for a chat at a café. "Well….if they're buying…."

* * *

Meanwhile back at Diamond City-

"Well, Mona? What do you think?"

Mona had to admit, Vanessa was persistent. She wanted to help get the company back in Wario's hands, but for now, it would pay to work with her. Literally, she needed money for college. So she looked over the contract again. "What's your endgame, Vanessa?"

"Huh? _Whatever _do you mean?"

"Making deals with Waluigi? You used him to get to Wario, just to get to me. Do you have any other reason for working with him?"

Vanessa tapped her desk. "To be honest, he's so weird. I don't get him. A beautiful woman like myself steps in to try to make him popular, and he fights me every step of the way! Then he has the NERVE to go talk to another woman behind my back…."

"Pardon?"

"Never you mind! Our first concert will be in two weeks, is that enough time?"

"Well now that Wario Ware Inc. is no more….yeah."

"Hmph! You sound so disappointed. I thought he doesn't pay you people?"

Mona sighed. "Well sure, getting money from Wario was like pulling teeth, but it was fun making microgames and stuff. Are you sure we can't make a deal?"

"You'd have to talk to my head of game development, Wa…." Vanessa dropped her phone when she saw his profile. "HOW DID HE CHANGE IT?!"

* * *

So Waluigi had made his way back to Toad Town, right in the same café where this whole thing started. He dug in his pocket and found some stamps and old chewing gum.

"Just…..ugh, gimme it, I'll just give you a latte," said Kooper. "But no loitering!"

He waited for a few minutes, then a young woman came in. She had brown hair adorned in two pigtails, brown eyes, and looked to be carrying some golf equipment.

"Hey," she greeted, "you're that Waluigi guy, right?"

"Sure am! What's with the get-up?"

Plum studied him carefully. "Man, you really DO look like Wario. Well, uh…..I was just in a golf tournament, then I saw your flyer. You need some dev help, don't you?"

"…..?"

"Truth is, I've been looking for a job, so this is the perfect opportunity!"

"Wait a minute….golf tournament? _Golf tournament?_!" Waluigi slammed the table. "I'm the world's best golfer! Who won?!"

"Ah, think it was Fly Guy and Wiggler? My partner was Yoshi."

"FLY GUY AND-" Waluigi took a deep breath, and focused. "Okay, missy, you're hired! Welcome to Waluigi Corp! We can start tomorrow!"

"Great! Thank you so much!" Plum shook his hand. "I'm Plum sir, it's great to be on board!" When she left, Waluigi knew this wasn't going to be a regular scam anymore. He needed a game plan! More helping hands! So he turned to Goombario, who was wiping tables.

"What? Just because I'm a Goomba doesn't mean I can't-"

"Shut up, short stack! Do you know of any other super techno whizzes?"

* * *

"Mmm….." Toadette was happy to see that Peach enjoyed the Metro-themed dessert: some cookies shaped like taxi cabs. "Oh thank you, Toadette…."

"Princess, I hope it's not a problem but…..me and Waluigi are working on something. I….didn't just take the warp pipe for that."

"Oh, Toadette, you do too much for this castle already. You're allowed to have fun!" Peach coughed.

"Gosh, you really don't sound so good."

"….it's Mario."

"Huh?"

"Something happened in our last little adventure, and I think it really hurt both him and Bowser. We were on the moon and…..ohhh, I don't want to talk about it right now. Just….don't let Toadsworth run you ragged, same with Waluigi. You aren't appreciated enough."

"Princess….." Where WAS Mario? And what of Bowser?

* * *

Toadsworth reached the plaza of Toad Town in record time, desperate to find Waluigi. And find he did, the man was trailed by a sea of a) desperate college graduates (Toads) and b) some weird characters (Snifits and Shy Guys). Adding to the absurdity was that Waluigi was on the _phone._

"Yeah, 5-Volt, do you deliver? Yeah, I wanted more of your cookies, and this time I got some money to spare! …..well, eventually."

"MASTER WALUIGI!"

"Hmm? Hang on, Fiver. What do you want, gramps?! Waluigi Corp has some things to do!"

"I require your assistance! Please!"

"Make Waluigi an offer!"

"It's about a queen…"

"Bo-RING!"

"PLEASE!" Toadsworth got on his knees. "The name of the Mushroom Kingdom is on the line! D-Do you think you'd be willing to have brunch tomorrow at the castle?"

"Wah, food? I'm in! But you better not trick Waluigi!"

Toadsworth shook his head frantically.

"Great!" He turned to his crackpot dev team. "You guys stop by Waluigi's house tomorrow, okay? And bring the eggplants!"

* * *

_"Wait, you had an office at Wario Ware, why use your house?"_

_"Because! Vanessa would just bug me, and I always think better when I'm looking at my self-portraits! So get this guys, Toadsworth wanted me to meet this woman….Merelda."_

_"Wait wait, so that Plum girl was the one that messaged you?"_

_Waluigi looked sheepish. "Actually…."_

_"DUDE!" Lakilester and Mallow were slackjawed. "But then, who was it?"_

_"Hey, you chowderheads read my book, you should know who it was!"_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 - The Brunch**

Evening soon came to Diamond City, and 5-Volt was putting another tray of her delicious cookies in the oven, as per Waluigi's request. She was but a simple mother with a simple life, but now…..well, she had the chance to make it a little….interesting.

"Hey Mom, we're gonna play some Switch, g'night, I love you!"

"Freeze!"

Both 9-Volt and 18-Volt stopped dead in their tracks, faces morphed into that of fear. The monarch walked right over and looked at them, carefully. Even though she was shorter than her son's friend, even he cowered at the sight of her.

"It's a school night, young man, and 18-Volt should be getting home to his own family."

9-Volt never saw his friend leave so fast.

"Y-Yes, mom….hey, what's that smell? You making more cookies?"

5-Volt smiled and patted her son's head. "Yes, I am. They're for our visitor. He told me all about that he's going to make his own game."

"WHOA! That's huge! I gotta tell all the kids at school tomorrow!"

"Oh, you do that. Now wash up, it's time for bed!"

"Y-Yes ma'am…."

Once he darted up the stairs, 5-Volt sighed and leaned on the kitchen counter. Was she a little too….motherly to be doing this kind of thing? Maybe. But she had taken a shine to her delivery helper and only wanted to be nice. That was the proper thing to do, right? So she picked up the phone and dialed.

* * *

Toadette left for the day, so Waluigi did what he normally did on Tuesday evenings….watch some cartoons on his TV, even if the picture quality was extremely static-y.

"Ha! That guy got hit in the head with a coconut….eh? Stupid phone is ringing….oh, 5-Volt!"

_"Hello, Waluigi?"_

"Those cookies are done already? That's showing who's boss!"

_"No…well, yes, but I'm calling for something else. Why don't we get that coffee we talked about earlier? Say….tomorrow afternoon, 1 sharp?"_

Waluigi looked at the calendar. In big black letters he had written **START GAME DEVELOPMENT** for tomorrow, but Toadsworth's request would cut into that time, and so would this. But then again….

"Eh, alright. I'm a busy guy, Fiver, so I won't go too fast for ya! Heh heh…."

He distinctly heard the phone fumble in her hands, but her shaking voice came back to the receiver.  
_"F-Fiver? Oh my….you used that name again…."_

"What, you like it?"

_"YES! I mean…..you can call me that, i-if you want…..I'll talk to you tomorrow!"_

* * *

_"Dude…..she sounded like an awkward teenage girl there….like the kind of girl that spills her soda when her crush walks by at the mall."_

_Waluigi grinned. "I TOLD you nothing in this book was made up! But now Waluigi's days were going to get a little busy, game development here, couple of girls there-"_

_"So just to….keep tally I guess," Mallow took out a sheet of paper and a pen, "in the equation we have Vanessa, 5-Volt, Merelda, the girl that messaged you…"_

_"You missed one, cloud boy!"_

_"You mean…."_

_"Hold it! Let Waluigi get into that part of the story. Right now I was just scheming, it didn't really click that they were taking an interest in me. Hey, Lakitu boy, you said Mario was a Casanova too?"_

_"Dude, lots of girls kissed Mario….Princess Peach of course, but you had some cute girls that time he went to Rougeport. In fact, I think you're about to beat his score, right?"_

_"Say Waluigi, people were wondering about Mario, but Bowser, what was up with him?" Mallow asked._

_The trickster groaned. "You just WANT me to spoil the story for everyone, huh? Fine, since we're coming up to that part…"_

* * *

The fiery Dark Lands that made up Bowser's Kingdom had seen brighter days, ironically enough. The two things the Koopa King had on his mind was winning the heart of Princess Peach and defeating Mario once and for all, but he hadn't commanded anything in a few weeks.

Not since his plan with the Broodals didn't go the way he had hoped. The subjects were getting worried; Bowser had locked himself in his chambers when he came home, and hadn't been seen since.

"Hey, Ludwig…."

Said Koopaling was trying to compose his newest piece when he was rudely interrupted by Junior himself. "What_ is_ it?"

"We need to make Papa happy again." Junior was saying the obvious, but it was true.

"He needs time, Junior. Not even handing over Peach will lift his spirits…..and from what I understand, Mario is in a similar funk. So he couldn't even gloat over the victory."

"Well I don't care! I'm gonna fix this!"

He missed Ludwig's rather sarcastic reply, and quickly sought out companions to enter the Mushroom Kingdom for answers. Bowser's only help was the Broodals and his regular minions, so the Koopalings really didn't know what had happened. Unfortunately, the only ones that seemed interested were Larry-

"Oh sweet, we can blow some things up!"

-And Wendy. "Mm, I could use a shopping trip…."

"What? We're doing this for Papa!"

"Larry, you're in charge, Junior can't lead an attack by himself."

"CAN TOO!" the prince whined. "We'll get that Luigi to tell us what happened!"

"Green Mario?"

"…..there's a _Green _Mario?"

* * *

The next day, Waluigi headed over to Peach's Castle. Normally he'd be very grouchy at doing this kind of thing, but if free food was the dealbreaker, he'd run there if he had to. Everything seemed so fancy, with all of the Toads running back and forth.

"Hey Waluigi!" Toadette was adjusting the picture frames…for the 10th time today. "Um….can you do me a favor and not tell Toadsworth that I'm-"

"Yeah, yeah, where's the food?" he checked his watch. "And hurry it up!"

"MASTER WALUIGI!" Toadsworth pulled him by the arm. "Thank you for coming! I promise, this won't take too much of your time!"

XXXXXX

In the dining hall, a long table with white cloth was prepared. Waluigi aimed for the a seat at the head, but Toadsworth pushed him away.  
"That's the Princess's seat!"

"Hmph, she still sick?"

"Er….yes, I'm afraid. B-But I can't have you disgracing her status right now! Take that seat on the side over there! Our guest will take the other end!"

"Hmph…."

And then, she entered the room. Merelda was a youthful-looking woman with bright blue eyes, turquois-colored hair, a green dress with a hat to match, and white gloves. She sat down in the seat two Toads pulled out for her, then looked around.

"Dear me….is your Princess still sick?"

Toadsworth nodded frantically, hoping Waluigi would introduce himself proper.

"Hey, you're that Queen, right?" Not an introduction. "I'm starving, so dig in before I take all the food!" Not proper. But Merelda looked more concerned than offended.

"My good sir, is it true? Do the people of this kingdom treat you with kindness?"

"Hey…..aren't you that lady with the umbrella?" Waluigi was shoveling an egg and shroom omelet onto his plate. "And kindness? FEH! No one cares about Waluigi."

Toadsworth couldn't watch (and fainted).

"Oh no….but why, Waluigi?"

"Because! They take one look at Waluigi and think that I'm a loser, or a weirdo! People underestimate me all the time, Queenie. But today is the start of something BIG! I'm gonna prove everyone wrong with my passion project!"

Merelda's eyes lit up, much to the disbelief of the Toads watching. "P-Project? Good sir, you sound so determined and brave! You sound just like the man that saved me, was it….a Wario, yes!"

That caused Waluigi's fork to stop. He glared at her.

"Wario? Figures….always one of those big names ahead of me!"

"Well I believe you can make your dream come true! And shame on all of you!" Merelda scolded the Toads, "letting this man be so broken!"

"Yeah, shame on you guys!" Waluigi sneered.

"What's with the shouting….?"

Peach came down the stairs, ignoring the desperate pleas of her Toads. She simply wiped her nose, walked past the unconscious Toadsworth, and sat down across from Merelda. "Queen Merelda….I do apologize for my sickness….."

"Oh no, you mustn't trouble yourself! Perhaps this sickness explains it all! While you're stuck in bed, your people have hurt this man!"

"W-Waluigi?" Peach blinked. "I think you've got it wrong…."

"Have I? He's so candid and honest…."

Honest was not the word Peach would use to describe Waluigi at ALL, so she just stared at him with the most nonplussed face she could muster. "Nevertheless, allow me to make a formal apology to _you,_ Waluigi. _You've_ never done anything bad ever, haven't you?"

"Bad? Good? These are just words."

* * *

_"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_

_While Lakilester was busy laughing his butt off from the floor, Mallow tried to hold back his own laughter. "You really said that?"_

_"Saw it in a movie once! Anyways, Peach didn't say anything, but I could tell even she was getting steamed. The old coot woke up, about the same time she went back to bed. And then…"_

* * *

"G-Going back home? But madam, I assure you-"

"-I'm sorry, but my people must be worried. I certainly hope your kingdom improves on your attitude! I do want to return to see how Sir Waluigi is doing with his project."

"Y-Yes…." Toadsworth wanted to explode. This woman had a rather…..warped idea of their kingdom, all because some people didn't bother with umbrellas! Did Waluigi truly deserve so much scorn, though? He held his breath when Waluigi scooted past him to say goodbye.

"Aw, don't worry, some people are just chumps, y'know? But once my game is done, they'll be changing their minds! Maybe you can the first person to play it, after me," he added in a low voice.

"Oh, Sir Waluigi! You're nobler than your brother!"

But then….

"LOOK OUT!" shouted a guard. "K-KOOPALINGS!"

From the sky came Junior, Wendy, and Larry, each in mini clown cars of their own. Merelda looked frightened and stepped back, closer to Toadsworth.

"Attention, you dumb Toads! We're not leaving until we get our hands on Luigi! So you better call him here, or else!" Junior threatened. But his smirk soon faded once he saw the targets. "Aw man! It's the old coot and Waluigi!"

"You won't win, reprobates!" Toadsworth raised his cane as a battle symbol. "We don't need Master Mario for this one! …..someone call Master Yoshi!"

Waluigi growled. "I'LL take them on!"

"YOU?!" Larry laughed and took out a Bob-omb. "C'mon, you're just some nobody! That's what Papa always says! I'll send you flying!"

"BRING IT! Quick, someone hand me a golf club!"

"But Master Waluigi, now isn't the time to better your drive!"

"Hand me the darn club!" he commanded. Larry threw the bomb right as Toadette ran out to toss a driver to the prankster. Waluigi caught it and readied his stance. "Step back, Queenie, you'll get hurt."

"Oh! Pardon me…"

"Ha! This loser thinks he can use a club, isn't that dumb? Right Wendy? …..Wendy?"  
**SMACK**  
Waluigi's drive launched the bomb back into the air, past Junior and Larry, and past the gate into Toad Town.

"Ha! I'm a good shot!"

"We lost Wendy, darn it!" Frustrated, Junior joined in on the bomb throwing brigade- Larry had much more up his sleeve. But Waluigi kept swinging his club hard and true to knock them all away. A few of them did hit the caste walls, though. "OH COME ON! Junior! Let's ice this guy with a BULKY BOB-OMB!"

"YEAH!"

"NOOOOOOO!" Toadsworth was practically groveling by Waluigi's feet. "DO SOMETHING!"

"Tch….." he only adjusted his cap. Both koopas picked up the massive, pink-colored relative and chucked it right at Merelda. But Waluigi kicked her out of the way and swung his trusted 3-wood right at the bomb, with all his force.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

The bulky bomb flew into the air, right towards Junior and Larry.

"WHAT THE HECK?! HE BEAT US WITH JUST A GOLF CLUB?!"

**KABOOM  
**Junior and Larry were blown away far, far, into the sky….disappearing with a brilliant shine upon it. The Toads quickly searched around for Wendy, but the battle was won.

"Aaaaw! I need to fix my club!"

"Sir Waluigi….." Merelda was shaking. "You….saved not only my life, but this castle as well…..simply amazing!" Then, to his shock, she kissed his cheek.

It was an odd feeling. Waluigi walked through the streets, looking down at his shattered club, but news had spread that he defended the castle. Toads thanked him as he walked by.

"Why the heck were they looking for Luigi…..?"

As he walked towards his house, Wendy watched him from afar. She smirked.

XXXXX

But when he got home, he dropped the club. The Shy Guys and Snifits were already there, with tons of computers and wires taking up every space in the house. Some were even eating his cereal!

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Oh nono…..they no speak language so good," said the leader, a Snifit in green. "Wanted to start production, ja? Mien name is Rider. We code now, boss?"

"Ehhhhhhh…you bozos really know how to make a video game?"

"Hai boss."

"Well get cracking! It's not gonna make itself! But you know what? Let's go to somewhere BIGGER! SO STOP USING MY TV AS A FOOTREST!"

The Toad devs knocked on the door, and Waluigi commanded them to help the others pack up the stuff. It was about 11:30, so if he was going to meet 5-Volt, he had to move operations. Rider yelled out orders too.

"Hey!" Plum opened the door next. "I-Is this the right address?"

"Oh good timing, girlie, we're going to take a field trip to my office! Ever been to the Metro Kingdom?"

"Yeah, I….I'm from New Donk City…."

"Eh, where's that?"

* * *

_"So you had to make this little coffee break in time AND start production in Diamond City? Was Vanessa looking for you?"_

_Waluigi winced. "She had a lot of angry voicemails, only cuz she wanted to keep my production on a leash! So we take the warp pipe, I dump the team off at the company, and march on over to some placed called uhh…Sora Sora."_

_"Rider and all them, they're bad news, aren't they?" Mallow asked._

_"Oh yeah, those JERKS…..but we'll get to them. I was right on time when I walked through the door…."_

* * *

"Oh Waluigi! Right here!" 5-Volt waved at him. She was dressed in a red hoodie and jeans. "So glad you could make it, haha…."

"Oh, hey Fiver." He plopped down and ordered. "So, whatcha do all day, anyway? Play video games? Throw darts at pictures of your enemies?"

"Well to be honest….my life can be a little….dull." She swirled her cup. "I do what any mother does….the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, I make my son's lunch….day in, day out…."

Waluigi glanced at his phone, but he could feel Vanessa's rage within, so he shoved it in his pocket. His latte came, though.

"What about you? What did you do, before this game development?"

"Oh you know, normal stuff! Tennis, some golf, some parties….mostly I just messed around Wario. But NOW is my chance to get back at him!"

"How do you figure?" 5-Volt asked. "Sure Wario can be…..well…."

"He made this company without asking ME if I wanted in? Hmph, who needs him? My game will outsell anything he's ever made, Fiver, I swear it!"

5-Volt nodded. "Just keep trying, and you can do it."

"Well thanks! You're the second person that believes in Waluigi! Other girl I just saved from some Koopas, there were bombs and…..well, you had to be there."

_Other girl….._ "Waluigi, do you know…." 5-Volt stirred some more, now looking straight into the cup. "….that I had a chat with Vanessa, your new boss?"

"Yeah? She could use more faith in Waluigi too!"

"Oh, don't worry. I know her mother from spin class Thursday nights. She won't be too bad if you just challenge her. Don't be afraid of her. Bullies never win."

"Hmmm….good idea! But I don't know why she wanted Waluigi to have one of these gizmos to begin with…." He showed her the phone. 5-Volt giggled.

"We didn't have one of these when I was a kid! Oh, technology these days…."

"Waluigi doesn't get it, but I got an assistant for that now!"

"It seems to me that Vanessa has a LOT of pride, Waluigi. So you acting up makes her pretty mad, but maybe if you dig deeper….perhaps you can find a different side of her."

"Man!" Waluigi chugged his latte down. "You're so smart, Fiver! Hey, tell me something. That 18-Volt…..he's really a kid?"

"Oh yes, he's been a good friend to my 9-Volt….if nothing else, I do hope you make the game for him. He'll always be a fan, Waluigi…and…." She blushed. "…me too."

Naturally Waluigi missed the subtle hint. "So it's NOT age? What, what's your mother named? Like 1-Volt?"

* * *

_"SHUT UP, okay?! I just wanted to know!"_

_"Hey dude, did you ask about…..y'know, the dad?"_

_"Huh? Ah, yeah…."_

* * *

5-Volt sipped her cup. "Oh, that's not important, and don't you worry. I raised 9-Volt all by myself."

"Eh….okay…." Waluigi gasped when his phone buzzed. "Nuts! Vanessa's calling. Hey, what should I tell her? Go make construction sounds, maybe I can pretend I'm building a home for orphans."

"Stand up to her, silly."

"Fine…..hello?"

_"WHERE are you, Waluigi?! I see you've finally stopped playing hooky wherever, because I dropped by the building and met your new work force! Who are these people?"_

"Oh you got Rider, and Plum, I think….and some other yahoos I didn't bother learning the name of. They're good, right?"

_"Hmph, well I'm surprised you got them quickly. Although the guys with masks don't seem to understand a word I say….but you need to be with them! You're leading this project, aren't you?!"_

Waluigi had an idea. "Of course I am! I was doing research for the graphics, or whatever. Listen, I already have the idea ready to go! It's about Waluigiman, the hero that runs around and saves the day!"

_"I don't care if it's about turkeys and monkeys, it needs DIRECTION!"_

"Sheesh! Here I am getting coffee and cookies for the crew for their hard work. Is that what you want, Vanessa? Me to work them into an early grave?"

5-Volt giggled at his cheeky reply, exploding into laughter when speakerphone caught Vanessa's frustration. "T-Turn it down, people are giving us looks!"

_"WHAT?! Is someone with you?"_

"I'll be there in 30 minutes, bye!" He hung up. "She sounds….what's the word….?"

"Jealous. Vanessa is jealous of anyone that takes your attention, Waluigi. It's rather funny, isn't it?"

"Yeah…..listen, I'd better go. Can I….take your cookies to the company?"

5-Volt winked at him. "Only if you walk me home. Letting a housemom take the bus all by herself? It's a scary city out there!"

* * *

So Waluigi arrived at the house some ten minutes later. 5-Volt practically skipped inside as she went to gather the cookies, but a new face confronted him by the door…..by throwing a ring at his head.

"HEY! Why don't you…..Wendy?!"

"Hohohoho, Purple Luigi, I didn't know your life was so not boring! Making video games and toying with the hearts of women?"

Waluigi looked from her to the house. "Look if you want to challenge me, then you're on!"

"_No_, you dunce, I followed you here. Seemed a little more exciting than sneaking around Toad Town for clothes and jewelry. This place is just what I need!"

"So what do you need ME for?"

Wendy got in his face. "Why don't we make a deal? Why, a princess like myself has tons of personal funds at my disposal…..if you don't want that woman yelling at you, I can snatch you up myself."

"…..no."

"No?"

Waluigi pushed her away. "I don't need your help! Waluigi doesn't bow to anyone! I'll make my game as is!"

"Is that so…..well, don't say I didn't extend an olive branch!" Wendy used her dark magic to disappear in a cloud of smoke, right before 5-Volt came out with the cookies.

* * *

_"Okay, I think we need to make a break for today," Mallow said into the mic. "Join us tomorrow for another session with Waluigi! Signing off!"_

_When recording stopped, he and Lakilester turned to Waluigi. "What?"_

_"You know, we already got comments about who's the best choice for you. Seems the viewers are really buying into this story!"_

_"Wahahaha! Of course they are!"_

_"So dude….what's the plan after the podcast?"_

_"The movie, of course! We got to start filming!"_

_Lakilester shook his head. "Nah, man. 5-Volt, Vanessa, Merelda, and more….I mean I have my Lakilulu, but I got to say objectively, they're all pretty fine. Don't tell her I said that, though. Must have been a tug of war with you as the prize, huh?"_

_"Heh! Wait until you get to my dance-off!"_

_"….."_

_"…."_

_"What? Look there's a lot of the story I'm trying not to forget but I promise you, THAT part is super important!"_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 - The One That Got Away**

Waluigi zoomed over to the company with his scooter and a box of cookies in tow. He made his way inside, and found his way to two double doors - R&D.  
From there was the production floor, with his crew…..who were cowering in fear due to Vanessa.

"There you are!" Vanessa's blood pressure rose at the sight of the cookie box. "More sweets from 5-Volt?"

"Wah, what's going on? C'mon you guys, the game has barely started! Here, take these cookies! Get that brain sugar!"

"I don't want you hiring ANY more people without my consent, understand?"

"Excuse me…." Plum rose her hand. She flinched when Vanessa's eyes locked onto her. "You're that famous pop star, right? I, um….like your music."

"Thank you, but flattery won't help you, girlie. You think you can score a job working for _moi _fresh out of college?"

"But I thought Waluigi was the boss?"

"_Ja,_ purple man is," Rider said, with all of his associates nodding. "We're here to help, so give us ideas, boss!" They all crowded around Waluigi - angering Vanessa even more.

"Hehehehe…."

_"So that first meeting went GREAT! I told everyone my ideas, we started to map out the story and gameplay mechanics….then it got dark."_

"Alright, go home, you moochers!" Waluigi announced to the floor. With a megaphone. "But be back at 9:30 AM sharp!" He watched the Toads scramble towards the warp pipe, but Rider's crew seemed content with walking out the front door. "Great day, rookie!"

"Thanks…" Plum looked out the window towards the bus stop. "Don't suppose one of you guys have change?"

"Ehhhh I'll add it on your first paycheck!" he pushed her out. Which left only himself and Vanessa. "Hehehee….I TOLD you I can whip them into shape!"

"Hmph, you said no such thing. But they DO listen to you….although I have misgivings about this Rider character. Why does his accent keep jumping all over the place?"

"Hey, even weirdos can work hard!" Waluigi plopped down on his desk chair. "I can take a nap here, think of some more ideas."

"Nice try! We have a meeting with the media!" Vanessa pulled him up. "No more unauthorized moves!"

"WAH?!"

* * *

Waluigi was sequestered into a private car and driven across the city to the backlot of a studio. The guards practically shoved him into the concrete.

"Get up! The interview starts in 15 minutes."

"Interview? I don't even have my best overalls!"

"Just follow me!"

XXXXX

"Welcome Miss Vanessa, is this the associate you were talking about?"

"Why yes!"

"Okay, you're on."

She continued to drag Waluigi down the hall. From the sights and sounds, it seemed to be a rather popular show, but there was no question - Vanessa organized this herself to control the situation. Soon they were seated at one end of a table. There was even a studio audience.

"Uhhh….what IS this?"

"Sssh! Let yours truly handle this."

**"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the new episode of The What with Wanda?, starring your host….WANDA!"**

The host was a blonde fairy with a red hat and dress, which normally would turn heads, but Diamond City was also home to robots and aliens, so she didn't really stand out. She sat down….and immediately, her eyes widened.

"Wanda! Oh, so glad to be on your show!"

"Vanessa, hi….glad to you have here….for the 37th time now…"

"What?"

"Nothing!" Wanda clapped her hands once. "Who is this person with you? He seems…..very. very, VERY familiar. Is he your new business partner, like you've been posting about?"

"I suppose you call it that. This is Waluigi, and he's in charge of developing a new game now that I own Wario Ware Inc. Well….I suppose we'll have to call it something different now! I was thinking, Vanessa Software, Inc.?" She chuckled haughtily.

Waluigi didn't care for such a name. "That's only the _production_ studio, you know deals and whatnot. The DEVELOPER is Waluigi Enterprises, Inc!"

"Waluigi…..hahahaha…you're not _related _to Wario, are you?" Wanda's wings twitched a little.

"Bah! He's my brother, but who needs him? I'm Waluigi, number one!"

"And this game you're making….w-what's it about?"

Vanessa tried to speak but Waluigi was quicker. "It's a game based on ME! And I'm making the promise right now, it'll be the best game in the history of time!"

"OOOOOOOH….." went the crowd. But this boast only made Wanda a tad somber.

"You know….I was in a game once….not too many people played it….it involved a bucket….and your brother, of course…..but let bygones be bygones. Tell us more about this game, what made you think of it?"

"H-Hold on Wanda, I wanted to announce this upcoming show of mine-"  
"THE GAME! THE GAME! THE GAME!" The crowd thought differently.

So Waluigi leaned back and put his feet up on the table. "Well, you see….what's your name, Fred?"  
_"Wanda."_  
"-Cosmo, I'm tired of the world knocking me down! Everyone just thinks I'm a loser! Especially her…and that loser Luigi snatched her away for good!"

"Who's her?" Wanda asked.

"Yes, who's _her_?" Vanessa also asked, but with a furrowed brow.

* * *

_"Oh, Princess Daisy. You first met her at that tennis tournament, right?"_

_The memory still burned Waluigi. Challenging Luigi, getting blown up by a stray Bob-Omb, LOSING the tournament to Mario and Luigi- "Yeah. Seemed different from the high maintenance Peach. But she was a looker! So I tried to ask her out!"_

_Lakilester clicked his tongue. "She throw her racket or shoes at you?"_

_"Oh shut up! She turned me down, but she was all nice about it. Then….THEN I saw her chatting up Luigi. That loser! Man I hate just thinking about him, let alone say his name! I'm just gonna call him Jerk Boy." Waluigi banged the table. "Then we join the third Mario Party, and she still turns me down! I even showed off this killer island and everything!"_

_"Waluigi Island? What happened to that?"_

_"Who cares? She STILL cared more about Jerk Boy. By the fourth go-around they were closer than ever before! Sigh….."_

_"So how did you react when you heard their news?"_

_Waluigi shot a glare at Lakilester. "We'll get to THAT. So I told Wanda and the show all about Daisy and Jerk Boy…..and I could tell, even Vanessa was interested!"_

* * *

"I'm interested in this…..Princess Daisy. Perhaps I can find a picture of her…."

Not that Waluigi particularly cared. He sat across from her in the car, looking out the window in a rather down-in-the-dumps way. The juicy gossip was even enough to quell Vanessa's temper at losing the spotlight yet again.

"Ah HA! Found her." She turned her phone around. "She lost the tan, huh?"

Before his eyes was a picture of Daisy and Luigi at Gelato Beach, in Isle Delfino. While he was holding sno cones for the both of them, she had a large beach ball in her hands.

"Get that away from me! …..or at least crop him out!"

Vanessa smirked. "Why didn't you tell me you were doing this for a _woman?_ Now it makes perfect sense. You think this game will make her come running into your arms?"

Waluigi sulked.

"Maybe I misjudged you, Waluigi. It's excellent to have such ambition! And I know first-hand how sweet revenge can be….."

"Aww, what do you know? It's not the same as you and Mona."

"Hm…you're right!" Vanessa's tone sounded….apologetic? "She never _stole_ a boy from me. But I made it to the top after years of struggle, and I want to stay right here! You want the same thing, right?"

"….."

"I'll drop you off, so you can get a good night's rest. We still have a lot of work to do!"

* * *

Meanwhile Wario was doing what he did best on lazy, workless days…..eat donuts in front of his television. But with every bite, he felt so….bitter.

"Stupid Waluigi, stealing MY company! I'll get back at that string bean!"

Then, a knock at the door.

"Go away! I don't want any girl scout cookies!"

"Wario, it's me. Mona?" She closed the door behind her. She had to recoil slightly at the smell socks thrown across the floor. "We're all worried about you, but we can get through this!"

"Who's_ we_?" he snapped, changing the channel. "You're not my employee anymore. Stupid Waluigi thinks making a game is so easy? Why didn't he hire any of you guys?"

"Guess it would be a conflict of interest," Mona said. Technically, she and the others didn't get their paychecks yet. "But if I work with Vanessa, maybe she'll give it back in the end."

"Bah! Who needs it?"

"Wario…..I won't give up on the company. It's been too much fun working for you. Don't you remember the day we met?"

"Not really."

"You….came into Sora Sora wanting something with garlic?"

Wario picked his nose. "Oh yeah. Well that's just YOU, but I don't see the others helping out!" He got up to get some more donuts.

"Why not ask Mario for help?"

"HA! I'll never ask that goody-two shoes for anything! He may be famous, but Wario makes his own fame! Besides, he hasn't been seen in forever!"

* * *

"WHAAAAAAAAT?! She…..she said that?!"

After Waluigi's attack had knocked Junior and Larry away, they both had conveniently crashed into a house….belonging to the Mario Bros. Taking pity on them, Luigi decided not to turn them away. Besides, Junior seemed content on scarfing down the cookies in the house.

"Yeah, right on the moon. Got Mario_ and_ Bowser all upset."

"Well….well…..it's all Mario's fault!" Junior exclaimed. "Papa would've married her just fine if he didn't try to get in the way!"

"But he kidnapped her…."

"Free transportation service! We do it all the time! Right, Larry?"

The older Koopa finished his glass of milk. "Yeah! But if Mario_ and_ Dad don't feel like fighting….well, what's the point? What do we even _do_?"

"Haha….well, you two can always become upstanding members of society. Why don't we go over to Joyce T.'s and help her water her plants?"

"OR we can kidnap you, bring you to Dad, and that'll get Mario ready to fight!"

"WHAT?!"

"Yeah, I like that idea! Hang tight, Green Mario, we'll have you in our kingdom in a jiff!"

Luigi gulped and tried to back away. "H-Hold on, you guys still need to f-find Wendy! You c-can't go back to Bowser without her!"

"You're right….hey, what do you like more, that thing there, or the thing on the table?"

"Er….I guess the first one, it really complements the ro-" **WHACK.** Junior had knocked him out cold with the lamp.

* * *

**FIN**

* * *

Annnnd that's all I had in the document. I'm sorry I deleted it in the first place, but I just disliked the idea of having a story unfinished, taunting me. Perhaps the issue was I simply front-loaded my ideas at once. Maybe with some ironing out this fic would still be active, but I simply am working on my other projects. Thanks to whoever read this in the past, and please, if you want to take this concept and improve upon it, be my guest!

MetaDash signing off.


End file.
